Friday, June 22, 2007

"Pervert magnet."

Oddness seems to gravitate towards me. For a while I would walk past lampposts and they would turn themselves off until I had passed. Rosie and I seem to find parts of dead animals wherever we go for a walk. It is official a bunch of satanists must be following us around.
What everyone seems to notice about hanging out with me, is that strangers will come up to me and say the most unprovoked things. For me this somehow fits in with the weird stares everyone gives me but according to relatives and friends this is just paranoia. When I'm on steroids I do feel as if I know everyone including people on TV. The strange fact about people approaching me is that it happens in Coventry nowhere else. This must be proof that somehow they know me. They must know me, ladies and gentlemen, know me. What follows is the culmination of some of the unexplained things I have had said to me. Note, this does not include the many contributions from perverts including, "'ello beautiful." *kissy noises*. Or the man I thought was lost because he called me over; I was about to give him directions when he decided to tell me that I was an extremely beautiful young lady and-. I stormed off at that point, bendy metal bastard made me take out my earphones for nothing. Neither does this incorporate the rude things shouted out of car windows at me, although I do get less shit since I hacked all my hair off. Liberate your locks with kitchen scissors.
  • "She's polish!"- Thank you person I don't know for pointing at me and shouting this, my life is far more complete.
  • "SNUFF!"- I was slightly shocked at this so I turned around to look at the man who had said it. He had stopped walking and was grinning at me. I hope this wasn't his way of telling me my hipsters had slid down causing me to flash my pubes again.
  • "Have you seen the rainbow deary?"- I met a leprechaun.
  • "RRRAAAAAWWWRRRRRR."- A very animalistic rawr indeed sir.
  • "It might never happen."- This one annoys me. It did happen. Many times. Optimistic fucker.
  • "Ppppffffffttttt"- Why strange man did you blow a raspberry at me?
  • "Hippie"- I was with my boyfriend Tom when this happened, it was a sort of introduction to Coventry for him via the words of a tramp.
  • "Joy's gay."- How does this person I've never met before know my name?!
Added to these incidents is the day I was on a quiet road taking a walk. A lady I don't know slowed down her car until she was along side me at the same speed. For a few minutes she grinned out the window at me then drove off.
I can't complain though it makes life for more interesting and renews my faith in surrealism. So on so forth.
Lists are creeping in everywhere, stuffing themselves into inappropriate slimy orifices even, I swear this is the last one for a while.

BOOGIE
(hungover)

posted by Boogie @ 10:40 PM 1 comments

Nude poetry.

A bold title to draw the perverts in I don't expect the poetry nature of the title to draw anyone in, I expect it may even put even a few of the determined perverts off, "Huuummmmm nudity, but at the price of poetry. Is it really worth it?"
The man who undertook my university interview inquired after samples of my poetry. I gave its general shitty quality as my excuse for it's absence, but as well as this my poetry has an obscene nature to it which it seems to gather from some unknown source *ahem* for some reason. Recently I've been venturing into writing poetry naked, not because I'm stealing Blake's idea but because whenever I'm nude I have sudden bursts of inspiration. What follows is one of my experiments in writing poetry after I got out of the bath and couldn't be arsed to get dressed.

Tattoo

I'm sorry Roger after the,
Initial
introductions I grew bored,
I was fickle then,
my infatuation couldn't last through custom.
two months then love,
my girlfriends ruled.
I cherished my ceremonious months,
then acquired the name I wanted,
Pin-
-point point my gain.
When striding into his,
(before husband had set in permanence)
room naked, approaching the bed, where eyes learning,
looking forward to-
he said, "Roger who?"
"The first boy I ever. . . ." I said,
when I should have told the truth,"I never knew." instead.


BOOGIE

posted by Boogie @ 3:30 PM 3 comments