"Don't stop me now Im having such a good time Im having a (crap leavers) ball." For fucks sake shut up.
Forever the optimist I had been saying for months how crap the leavers ball would be. Not that I wouldn't go or anything, its a once in a lifetime occurrence. I arrived at the event with my levers ball date Sam who looked really cool in this black pixie dress. We're both drunk from drinking vodka and Budweiser in Sams' room earlier. I decided that if I was going down I was gunna take a load of inanimate objects with me.
Here is a list of things I have no regret in doing:
- Stealing cutlary from the Allesley hotel.
- Kissing everyone to blot my lipstick.
- Stealing all the 'Do not flush tampons down the toilet use the bins provided' stickers from the bathroom.
- Kicking the marble sink with my high heels and cracking it.
- Being physically dragged out of the bathroom by my friends after doing the above.
- Re-arranging the funiture.
- Getting pissed.
- Breaking out of the hotel for freedom with Sam to run down the road and pick flowers.
- Calling everyone cunts.
- Lap dancing GiGi.
- Putting my feet up on the table and flashing everyone.
- Eating confetti.
- Spilling cutlary everywhere.
- Doing handstands in the lobby.
- Shoving leaflets down my bra.
- Spending a fair part of the evening talking to Rosie under a table.
- Almost destroying the photographers background by stumbling during a group shot.
- Scawling "This sucks" on my arm in biro.
- Ignoring any annoying patronizing comments E.G, "OOhhhhhhhh Joy you're wearing a DRESS with heels!!" No you don't say, so is everybody else in this hotel-except maaaaaaaybe one or two of the boys- I must say your powers of observation astound me.
I do admit to regretting the following:
- Attacking a helpless plant. Poor thing never stood a chance
- Getting everyone's genders mixed up.
- Drinking other peoples drinks.
- Dancing like a stripper. The shame.
- Not drinking more.
- Drinking questionable Barcardi breezer. Sam knows what Im on about.
- Calling everyone cunts.
- Giving Rosie an awareness talk about eyes, in retrospect deeply embarrassing.
Basically it was a pretty boring evening. It was one of those 'oh I love my year ain't they just the best' kind of balls and every one was hugging and dancing and sucking up to each other. Im sorry but, blughh. They played 'our years' songs' which has to be the most shitest collection of music known to humanity. The height of shitness being Queens 'Mr supersonic' or whatever the fuck its called. Queen fucking suck. Actually while Im on the subject of crap what the hell was with the buffet table? I mean I payed £15 pounds for no vegetarian options and KEESH. Seriously KEESH.What's wrong with these people?
BOOGIE
* After note: Hayley looked really pretty in her ickle pink dress and make-up which I did. Naomi had the most coolest dress there, very originall totally not the standard satin bridesmaid trash. My little baby Kyle looked all grown up in his tux, they grow up so fast.
Im sorry but keesh? As Sam would say "WHO HAS KEESH AT A FUCKING BUFFET?!!!" What do they really take us for? We should of hunted the leavers ball committeee down and force fed them the left over keesh. There was a lot of left over keesh I assure you.
Leaving the shithole.*
As soon as my mum wakes me up Im out of bed. I don't bother with food, each mouthful sinks to my stomach in such a heavy fashion my body keeps threatening to make it resurface. Before I head out the door I carefully manova the heavy bag from my room to the door. Nothing falls out, nothing makes suspicious noises.
The air outside is so sharp that it cuts my throat. The hill leading up to Hayleys' is a fucking pain to climb, air floods into my lungs full of needles. When I reach the top Im in the same state I am every time I climb that damn hill. Out of breath sweaty and desperate for a drink. The bag nudges against my leg with each footstep, each nudge like a hint or reminder. A bag stuffed to the brim with things Im rather found of; baseball boots and booze. After that hill I defiantly deserve a drink.
Hayley opens the door to find me pacing the bag swinging at my ankles, nipping them making me pace demanding attension.
*
We walk to school. Poobelle and I find ourselves too edgy to wait for GiGi. We walk to school together, the alcohol leaks into my right arm numbing nerves. The booze cloud wraps itself around me and nicotine coloured wisps rest lightly infront of my eyes.
Hayley adds vodka to ribeana which we share on the way to school. Slashes of pain scrape against my stomach lining. "Hayley my stomach feels like its splitting. I shouldn't have drank everything so fast."
One can of larger is what I have left in my bag my stomach protests painfully- I leave it closed in a bin. The rest of the way to school I groan and clutch my stomach.
When we reach school the booze hits me and storms in blood I am a mini hurricane. Trapped in a spiral of growing excitement, alcohol storming through me shaking my limbs ever so slightly. The fire in my belly makes me feel like any minute I could wheel from excitement into destruction.
Poobelle and I burst into 2 door. We rush past some of out friends, I pat Rosie's head more hard than I intend to. We run down the corridor to the loos to add more vodka to the ribeana. "So long suckers" is still scrawled across the cubicle door where I left it I notice this with satisfaction.
Our friends notice instantly we're pissed when we join them, they try and make me walk in a straight line-inevitably I sway to the side. They smell the vodka in the ribeana Poobelle's drinking. We discover GiGi isn't pleased for leaving her to walk by her self and she's defiantly not happy at our drunk apologies filled with laughter.
Our last ever registration, its a blessing that the powers out so its dark. Nobody will notice us. Mr Lloyd our form tutor is out of the room for most of registration. I try to control the booze spreading warmth up my belly, I control every word carefully but they still sound louder and harsher than normal.
Poobelle takes the orange plastic thing she found on the floor from her pocket. She christens it the orange bean and continues to make it talk to me and produce "aawwwwooooorrrr" noises. She bends it in half imitating a mouth, "aaawwwooorrr I love you Joy give me a kiss. Kiss me kiss me you know you want to aawwwooorrrr." We both laugh. Me in a whisper chuckle that folds me over on to the desk. It dawns on me the class is completely silent and all eyes are turned on us. From the back of the class room somebody says, "They're pissed." Poobelle doesn't seem to notice but I tell her shush, it doesn't stop me laughing though.
The last ever assembly is for awards, not serious awards. Awards for things like the best hair. Poobelle and I sit next to each other, my legs are completely numb and the noise and shouts coming form my fellow pupils annoy me. Every time a teacher mentions the name of someone in my year the hall is filled with cheers or occasionally boos. This is infuriating the whole thing would be ten times quicker if everyone would stop fucking screaming whenever they hear the name of someone they know. I shout this out and Poobelle punches me on the arm. Not realizing she's punching me for swearing I punch her back. The rest of the assembly's is spent mainly punching each other, I swear lots without noticing. Poobelle keeps punching. I punch back.
*
Afterwards we walk home with people we don't know they give us strange looks but don't complain. I sing loudly and Hayley talks to random people. I catch sight of the bin where I left my larger. It's such a waste I think, I stand by the bin and wait for 'our new friends' to walk past us. "Don't mind me." I say, "Im just innocently standin' next to this bin. Nothin' weird going on." Then I tumble the larger out of the bin back into my bag. Poobelle thinks this is hilarious and trys to shout out what I've done.
*
On the bus into town we overhear some girls talking about a boy who used to be in my year. This reminds me of the best fake absent note award in assembly. This boy not being very smart handed in this:
Daneil has been off school because I have been sick.
Signed: Daneil.
Poobelle and I giggle at the memory. The bus stops and I get up, somehow in the process of standing up I find myself sprawled out across the isle with my face embedded in a seat.
We meet Naomi and Kyle in town and go to central six burger king. I've always liked that burger king (its very desolate and has lots of ghosts, although that's a different story altogether . . .). Firmly I walk up to the desk, place my hands paralelle to each other, spread out my fingers and say, "I WANT THE ONE WITH CHEESE!"
The burger king employee finds this vaguely amusing and shoots me a 'I can tell you're drunk' look.
A brief argument with my friends over whether I want fries or not (I don't but they keep telling me I do) follows, I get very confused and wave my hands around loads to make up for lack of words. When we sit down to eat (turns out I did want fries and I regret not ordering them) only then do I sober up.
It was a funny day that Im glad was shared with my best friend Poobelle.
BOOGIE
*Yes I do realize that if my school is the shithole and I've left it technically that makes me shit, who cares. Stop being pedantic.
