Sir Sue the inappropriate and the company of monday night drinkers.
My friends have re-named me Sir Sue the inappropriate because of my behavior whilst drunk. Although sometimes it does have repercussions I rather enjoy my title as being extremely crude makes me laugh. I find it hard to resist when two of my close friends are self confessed prudes, it pains me that you could not witness their expressions as me and Sir Carol Tush Tush had an in depth discussion about circumcision in the back of a cab. Last night my inappropriate behavior was only reaching the moderate scale. Let us delve deep into the underworld as I take you back for an over view of our drunken celebrations.We went out to celebrate Mark's 18th and it was very nice of him to invite me. Although my friends had already suggested I gatecrash. I'm always that added on thing that turns up extra at a party, like a hand bag somebody brings that drinks a lot and sings. First we went to the Wallace (a pub) where I tried to convince everyone I'd applied to become a nun, "The application form says do you like drinking and you tick no. Then it says do you like fucking and you tick no. Then it says are you catholic and you tick yes." Everyone gave me weird looks. I apologised to Daniel for biting him last time we were drunk together, he had actually forgotten and seemed slightly offended when the memory refreshed itself. To redeem myself I'd like to say it's how I show affection. We moved on to the Colly (a club) where several interesting things happened. Sir Carol Tush Tush decided that he was going to tell everyone that he owned the establishment and spent the whole night repeating it over and over to everyone. Example:
Sir Carol- I own this establishment
Sir Sue the inappropriate- You don't
Sir Carol- I fucking do!!
Sir Carol- I own this establishment
Sir Sue the inappropriate- Stop saying that
Sir Carol- Well I FUCKING DO!!
What you have to learn is a marvellous thing occurs when Sir Carol is drunk; he becomes the funniest person in the world, a sort of comedic personality takes over. One of Sir Carol's favourite things to do intoxicated is make false claims and repeat them. His current ones are that he:
- Invented Strongbow
- Invented sex
- Owns this establishment
- That [insert any name here] lives next to him and/or is his mother
- Is going to masturbate for a whole day
Returning to the dance floor holding hands in a line to prevent us losing each other I felt a hand slip into my spare. The owner was an older guy who I was merely holding hands and having a friendly conversation with when my friends decided to interrupt and tell him that I was on the rebound, when he wouldn't leave they made him. Obviously he was an arse, that's beside the point though! Reassessing it I'm quite thankful to my friends, my old friends wouldn't have looked after me like that. They only did it to protect me because they love me.
At 3 in the morning Field-Marshall Kate decided to organise us into getting a cab home. Her and Peachy rounded up Sir Carol, who had spent most of the night hugging and kissing everyone including giving me a sloppy one on my cheek and dragged me out of the club. I was only protesting because I thought it was still early and I couldn't understand why people kept showing me the time on their phones, "Yes your phone is lovely so is the blurry clock on it." In the taxi on the way home I complained about leaving and my friends getting rid of the guy, I think I talked about sex and circumcision and ended the night in the traditional way by saying, "I hate you all." over and over. Both Peach and Sir Carol commented later that whenever we go out the ending note is me telling them I hate them. When I say it however, I certainly do not mean it, in a way it's me showing that I love them. I've decided that I will watch my slovenly tongue in future and stop myself from saying it.
What still makes me laugh now is what happened when I had departed to fall into my bed without taking my makeup off in that comfortable drunk patten. On the way home Sir Carol was still saying, "I own this establishment." to himself and laughing after each reinforcement of the statement. The cab stopped at his house and he couldn't open the door. Finally he managed to stumble out of the cab, he then decided to run down the street shouting as loud as he possibly could, "I OWN THIS ESTABLISHMENT!!" The taxi driver turned to Peachy and said, "I think he's gone mad." Peachy replied, "Yes. Yes I think he has." Once at home Sir Carol was immensely proud that he managed to turn the burglar alarm off and he text Peachy twice to tell her this. The texts were unreadable. He then phoned Peachy to tell her of his achievement and that he was thinking of making noodles, she told him not to as he would probably endanger himself. Once this had been done he proceeded to go on MSN and myspace and tell Peachy a forth and fifth time how proud he was to have turned his alarm off.
Sir Carol later admitted to me that he was still saying the phrase to himself once he had got home. A good night had by all.
BOOGIE
posted by Boogie @ 10:27 PM
1 Comments:
I wanna meet Sir Carol
C x
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