Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Glorious return involving moderate fanfares but no chimps in coats, sorry.

Yes my darling doves I have been separated from my mangled cyber letters. Ah don't worry I am back to bask in the love of the faceless public who don't read my bastardised version of a blog and spam me. Oh how I have missed the links to porn sites in my comments box. They give me the delusion that you read my blog, know that I'm a feminist and put them there to insult me.
In my absence, involving hospital visits and deciding to conveniently loose my old friends, I have secured an intoxicating stash of quotes. Here they are for you; my beloved children.


  • "I don't want foot floor pringles." - My little brother Pootle.
  • "What colour are your lady drugs?"-Pootle.
  • "Now I can tell a real girl from a fake one."- Parker.
  • "Earl this place is chaos, I saw a pig eating its own poo."- Randy from 'My name is Earl'.
  • "Velvet clothing is a sign of mental instability."- My older brother Maddy. He didn't notice I was wearing a velvet jacket at the time.
  • "My mummy says they're magic." - Doolan on 'those' sort of mushrooms.
  • "You can't see me tink! You can't see me tink!"- Small boy after being reprimanded for flashing his 'tink'.
  • "I can go home a happy man."- Ms. Brown. An art teacher.
  • "Sniffing glue is fun!"- Ms. Brown.
  • "I'm wearing cowpats."-My mother
  • "Is that even a baby?"-Me
  • "You have a perverted imagination."- My mother addressing me.
  • "I don't want to be associated with Abba."-Tom, rather randomly announced this in the midst of a conversation about something else.
  • "Communism is an octopus."-Ms. Williams.
  • "In milking bows ass."- Me slightly confused.
  • Were you Christened? He might know you from there."-Emma.
  • "If I was gay I would date him."- Pootle
  • "When the hobbits got married I walked out of the cinema."-Zaine
  • "Bum"- Dulcie. Dulcie is my cat so I think you should be amazed she said anything at all.
  • "My bobbins hurt."-Lady from hospital.
  • "If I was your pebble brother I'd look like a slab."-Pootle
  • "I've been carrying the bible round all day because it won't fit in my bag, I came up the B door stairs and I had a compulsion to shout "Praise the Lord!""- GiGi
  • "Hello cancer I grope you."- Daniel. He sends the most hilarious texts whilst drunk.
  • "They banned smacking and took away the only perk of motherhood."-Chloe (whose name is fucking impossible to spell)
  • "I like to harass people in toilets."-Daniel, possibly the most quotable person alive.
  • "Bendy metal bastard."-Rosie
  • "A bird dropped meat down our chimney."- Daniel.

Wallow in the goodness of these golden words. Can you hardly believe that my quote book is bursting with more of these? Alas I fear I cannot distribute as many as I hoped. You will have to content yourself, unbearably shy fans that you are, with these few favoured scraps extracted from the squealing litter of profanities and illegible handwriting excitably jumping over itself.

BOOGIE

posted by Boogie @ 3:26 PM 4 comments