Auntie Barbara.
Dressed in the only smart clothes I have. A school jumper a gypsy skirt and some wedges. All black. The skirt has a tear in it and the jumper is fading. My tights are laddered.We make our way through the grave yard ancient grave stones line the dirt path, they slope and lean heavily at different angles. The icy morning light rests on stone crosses with names of the deceased rubbed almost beyond recognition. She cannot lie here there is no room.
The chapel is old too, hidden amongst graves and shadowed beneath a train track it is a gem. It matches the dates of the earliest gravestones and despite its beauty it too is fading. As the train thunders by over head hurtling a thousand miles an hour the chapel has been slowly eaten away by elements, stones being sculpted smoother, vivid hues weakening. Even in a place where time is so slow it still is heading towards some kind of end.
Inside the chapel its as cold and the air is moist. Serenity seems to echo through the alcoves, alcoves which hide corners in shadow, where angles could conceal themselves and stare forlornly out at the service. Chunk's of light stream through the stainglass windows, now and again a train passes over head breaking the silence with the rumble of journeys.
The coffin is made from a shiny gold wood. I can't look at it, my stomach renches if I even glance at it. I don't like to think of her being in there. Some one so ever-present can't be gone. The coffin is so final, staring it full on is like facing your own gravestone, and considering that fate that all humans eventually meet.
I turn to look down the isle and see my family quietly weeping, passing a packet of Kleanex from my Mothers handbag around. I wasn't crying, I bit back my tears. I gulped back sobs until they settled somewhere and left me with out need for them.
The night before the funeral I had a dream. I was in a bungalow. It was bathed in a orange artificial light. The room we in was filled with objects of a brown and orange color scheme. The tiles on the floor had a complex brown pattern on them. I moved around and felt the warmth, it was warm it was hot it was nice. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my farther, but all my attension was focused on Auntie. She was standing using a walking frame, suddenly she fell to the floor. Her family (my cousins) surround her but despite the chaos I feel peaceful because some how I knew it was going to happen. I see her face, she is smiling.
There is one small window placed over the sink. What I see when I look out amazes me. Its a place familiar but I have not visited. The landscape is huge and almost flat. The night is large and bright with stars, where the sky meets the ground there glimmers a red hue. If I look upwards the sky is the deepest blue imaginable. These colors in the breath taking sky mix on the ground, vegetation, grass, dirt is purple.
It could be her childhood Africa. Or maybe its the place she always knew she was going to go.
BOOGIE
posted by Boogie @ 5:50 AM
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